Roast Station
Tech Roasts
The latest tech roasts from Roast Station.
Sci-Fi Solo Act Legs Past Franchise Fizzle: 'Only' 32% Drop!
Hollywood hails a non-sequel survivor like it's the second coming of Oppenheimer. Hold up, is mediocrity the new blockbuster?
UConn Kid's 35-Foot Buzzer Beater Defies Physics
Freshman launches Hail Mary with 0.4 seconds left—because why settle for a layup when sorcery works?
Big Tech's AI Debt Party: Trillions for Glitchy Ghosts
Borrowing like broke uncles at a casino, chasing chatbots that crash mid-sentence.
Tech's Triple Whammy: Screen Nannies, Rocket Bets, Pricier Pixels
UK slaps kid screen limits while SpaceX memes explode and Sony jacks up PS5—priorities, people?
Savannah's Today Tears: Expert Cracks the Code
Why'd Guthrie bare her soul to Kotb? A 'media expert' has theories wilder than a soap opera script.
Tech News: Groundhog Day for Gadgets
Same phones, laptops, and hype—every site, every day. Wake us when it's actually new.
WTO's Digital Trade Rules: Consensus? Nah, Potluck Style
World traders finally agree on rules—by ditching everyone who disagrees. Peak bureaucracy hack.
Tiger Woods: Fairway King, Freeway Flipper
Golf legend crashes harder off the course than his divorce settlement—out of jail already.
Craig Melvin's Mom-Nap Fury: Bitcoin Bait or TV Stunt?
TMZ ransom notes and crypto tips? Morning TV just scripted its own bad thriller.
Viral Dog Escape Saga: Total AI Fabric-A-Thon
Seven kidnapped pups Houdini their way home? Nope, just pixels punking the internet.
USA Today's Tech Section Is Just Best Buy's Newsletter
Breaking: journalism discovered a 12% discount on JBL earbuds. We have a developing situation.
Tech Giants May Face Consequences, Experts Unsure What Those Are
Two jury verdicts walk into a bar. Section 230 has never been more nervous.
Iran Claims F/A-18 Kill; Jet Files Flight Plan Home
Nothing says 'direct hit' like the thing you hit flying away and finishing its shift.
The Social Network Where Failure Is Rebranded as a Journey
Where layoffs become plot twists and $40M raises are actually about resilience.
The Age of AI Has Arrived and Nobody Knows How to Code
400 commits, one working button, and a LinkedIn post calling it a 'passion project.'
Ex-Anthropic Grifters Launch $1B Ghost Startup
No product, no revenue, just another nine-figure valuation for vibes and recycled Anthropic letterhead.
Nothing CEO Says Apps Will Disappear
His company makes phones specifically designed to run apps
80-Year-Old VC Predicts AI Bloodbath
Veteran investor says bubble will pop but the 'strongest' will emerge more powerful. History's favorite bedtime story.
NVIDIA Unveils 'Agentic AI' That Still Can't Fix Your WiFi
Jensen Huang closes GTC with Disney robots and persistent desk AI while the world quietly wonders who asked
Meta's AI Wants to Jack Your Mouse
Manus desktop app lets agents literally control your computer because fuck your privacy
Nvidia drops $17B on Groq tech then copies it
Jensen calls it 'strategic licensing' while quietly admitting his own chips can't keep up
Car Magazine Crowns Chip Bro 'Person of the Year'
MotorTrend just gave Jensen Huang their 2026 award for... reasons?
JENSEN WEARS THE SAME JACKET FOR 12 YEARS
Announces Vera Rubin like it's a personality while CUDA celebrates its 20th birthday at a $4T funeral for your GPU
4 AIs Say BTC $250K, Claude Says 'Lol No'
Even AI is split — four are hopped up on hopium while one lonely model is just trying to pay rent