Roast Station
Tech Archive
192 roasts filed under Tech. Filtered archive, newest first.
Featured Roast
China Recovered Reusable Rocket, Swears It’s Not Copying SpaceX
PR spin says they admire the work; reality shows they just replicated the whole damn playbook.
Nintendo’s Talking Flower Just Got Cheaper, Ego Meter Spiking
Another Mario character shilling positive affirmation while your wallet takes the real hit.
CISA Built Its Incident Playbook While the Incident Was Already Happening
An agency meant to guard national cybersecurity admitted it was winging the response playbook on the fly after a contractor left passwords exposed on GitHub.
Ruf Flat-Eight Engine Debuts at Goodwood, Generates Pure Excess
Audit slams the eight-cylinder monster for delivering 1000 hp of unnecessary theater in a world that already has too many.
Microsoft Audit: AI Spots More Issues, Floods Customers
Patch Tuesday now ships higher volume of security updates because AI can identify potential problems sooner—surely that's progress.
Ollama Ego Meter Spikes as $65M Floods In
Benchmark-backed tool for developers nearly convinces itself it's still the scrappy open-source hero.
Xbox Reset: Obsidian Gets Reassigned to Fallout
Microsoft's latest 'investments' shuffle means one more studio abandons its own game for safe franchise work.
Blue Origin's $130B Valuation Gets the Audit It Earned
Bezos' company courts external investors for a fund-raising round that treats launch delays like minor line items.
X Debuts Video Editor to Curb Its Repost Addiction
The platform's latest tool promises multilingual captions and green screens, all to 'encourage' creators toward original content instead of stolen clips.
NRC swaps nuclear safety for word games
Turns out 'as low as reasonably achievable' was just vibes, not physics.
Xbox's 'Ecosystem Growth' Is PR for Microsoft Disaster
The Stepback newsletter calls it essential industry insight, but it's just Microsoft spinning failure with corporate euphemisms.
Alibaba Reportedly Calls Claude High-Risk to Guard Its Own Code
Nothing screams confidence like labeling a rival AI tool 'high-risk software' before your employees get any ideas.
Absurdity Audit: SpaceX Millenary Milestone Buries Startup Rocket Hopes
Dedicated launches pile up while one company's Electron dreams stay grounded in endless paperwork.
Amazon's Fire Tablet Quietly Swaps 3GB for 4GB
An Absurdity Audit reveals the 2023 model still trails every budget-minded rival by years.
Godox C100 Audit: Transparent Screen Solves Problem No One Had
Point-and-shoot renaissance meets transparent LCD that turns viewfinding into performance art for influencers.
Meta's Pocket Audit: Vibe-Coded Games, Zero Receipts
Quietly launched experimental toy turns prompt spam into 'interactive' mini-games no one asked for.
Google's AI Buildout Just Slurped 37% More Electricity
The balancing act on emissions is really just code for 'we'll clean it up later while the grid melts now.'
Absurdity Audit: Measuring AI's Economic Reshaping
Conflicting numbers reveal job losses already underway while other stats show growth, proving precision is optional.
SpaceX Phone Prototype Vanishes in Post-IPO Audit
Musk labels the handset-like device report utterly false, right after investors got the tour.