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Tech Archive
192 roasts filed under Tech. Filtered archive, newest first.
SpaceX Phone Prototype Vanishes in Post-IPO Audit
Musk labels the handset-like device report utterly false, right after investors got the tour.
Bending Spoons IPOs at $18B by Minimizing Luck
Co-founders rebrand their company's habit of buying beloved internet brands on life support as elite risk management.
Ego Meter Explodes at TechCrunch Disrupt Builders Stage
Founders queue up for practical strategies that mostly involve convincing themselves the next pivot will save everything.
Amazon Fires Sideloading Blame at Malware
New Fire Stick OS quietly kills third-party launchers while executives hide behind piracy excuses.
Math Lie Attack Shows AI Browsers Are Fragile Garbage
Telling an LLM 2 + 2 = 5 is enough to make it follow forbidden instructions without breaking a sweat.
Tesla Cybercab Audit: No Wheel, No Pedals, No Clue
Years-long robotaxi promises get a pedal-free Austin test that still can't deliver anything but excuses.
Samsung's Wide Foldable Audit: Same Tricks, Wider Cases
Leaked images of the next Galaxy generation show Samsung still betting on foldables nobody needs.
High-Intensity AI Adopters Swear Headcount Is Rising
Entry-level jobs up 12% at these companies, countering all that AI-will-kill-juniors talk with the usual selective stats.
Uber Quietly Drops Waymo for Fresh Autonomous Partner in Phoenix
The 'separate partnership' phrasing turns a breakup into the world's most corporate breakup text.
Cursor's Mobile App: Now Supervise AI Agents From the Toilet
The company frames constant remote oversight as a feature, not a confession that its coding agents can't be left alone.
Pocket's $11M Card-Shaped Puck Audits Your Note-Taking
A formal review finds unlimited recordings and transcriptions attached to a $129 phone sticker with zero supporting evidence.
Omen AI Bags $31M to Fight Data Center Bacteria
Their big optimization play? Monitoring coolant so your servers don't literally grow mold.
Marketers Now Grapple With Bullshitting AI Chatbots
Cannes crowd realizes human attention was the easy part — now they want to rig the robots too.
Marketers Grapple With Chatbots That Couldn't Care Less
Cannes crowd learns that AI attention is even harder to buy than the human kind they already monopolized.
Cook Calls Pricing 'Unsustainable' Then Jacks It Up
Apple's 'unavoidable' price hikes land hardest on the inch-sized upgrades nobody asked for.
FTC Audit Blesses Musk Mesh Acquisition With Zero Scrutiny
Stealth startup pulled $50 million Series A then got scooped before lunch.
Streaming Services Lose Their Obnoxiously Loud Ad Loophole in California
The 'immersive audio experience' excuse just got slapped illegal, with Illinois already proving the quiet alternative works.
Apple Turns MacBook Price Hike Into 'Better Deals' Spin
Rising memory costs arrive exactly when existing discounts needed a narrative boost.