Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
655 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
BLOCKCHAIN JUST 'AI'-WASHED A $400M DEAL
Company whose entire personality is shoving AI into its ticker signs letter of intent for 20 MW of pure hopium
March Madness 2026: Toddlers With Jump Shots
These freshmen are younger than your mortgage and already better at ball than you’ll ever be at life
Trump 'Totally Demolished' Iran, Oil Prices Disagree
Claims Strait of Hormuz is 'closed' while tankers sail through like it's a Sunday cruise
Elon Tried to Debug Humanity
DOGE: when a billionaire mistakes government for buggy code and real people for glitches
UAE's Brave 5-Minute Stand Against Israel
Dubai closes airspace for 12 whole minutes then reopens like nothing happened
DOGE Staffer: 'Yeah, We Couldn't Cut Shit'
Musk's crack team of geniuses admits under oath they failed to lower the deficit by even one cent
SEC CLEARS CRYPTO: 'It's All Just Magic Internet Beans'
Regulators finally admit 90% of tokens were never securities, just extremely expensive jokes