Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
655 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Apple Shuttered Its Unionized Location Over 'Declining Conditions'
The surrounding mall suddenly looked terrible the minute workers unionized, because nothing says coincidence like perfect timing.
TechCrunch Founder Summit Audit Flags $190 Bootcamp Grift
Four days left to save cash on a summit that's basically paid networking cosplay for founders who already know it's crap.
Iran's Strait of Hormuz Toll Scheme Gets Audited
Weaponized waterway now comes with fees for nervous businesses, because control isn't complete without the invoice.
Toy Story 5’s Spectacular Audit: Record by Default
The U.K. and Ireland office experienced a £15.3 million opening weekend that delivered pure franchise delusion dressed as triumph.
Tech Companies Blame AI for Layoffs They Planned Anyway
The running list of announced layoffs keeps growing as employers discover AI makes a convenient PR shield for chopping headcount.
The View Drags Audience Into FCC Political Fight
Daytime chatter show turns federal commission dispute into audience participation theater for political speech rules
Ego Meter Spikes as Asian Stocks Chase Diplomatic Gains
Oil retreated on optimism about US-Iran progress while benchmarks pretend tech drops are just temporary offsets.
Giannis Trade 'Finalists' Leak: Pure PR Theater
Celtics and Heat suddenly in the mix as the Bucks superstar gets shopped like yesterday's cap space.
VantageScore Spins High Rates as Borrower 'Adaptation'
President tells Bloomberg that lending activity is rising because consumers are learning to live with the pain.
Trump's Iran Weapons Promise Audited: Honesty Guaranteed
Formal review finds zero evidence Iran will agree to major inspections, just presidential optimism on paperwork.
Angelina Jolie’s Cheap Hair Perfume Audit Exposes Cult Nonsense
Stylist spills on the under-$100 fragrance that somehow counts as celebrity beauty wisdom.
ABC Launches On-Air Campaign Begging Viewers to Save Its Licenses
The network escalates its FCC fight by treating regular programming like a petition drive for The View and local stations
U.S.-Iran Talks Call Stalemate 'Progress'
Mediators spin dwelling on supposed settled issues as high hopes for a 60-day deal no one believes.
Qatar Clears Ras Laffan Blast: Exports Still Golden
Absurdity audit reveals the explosion at the industrial complex somehow left liquefied gas shipments completely unimpacted.
Australia's Underground Cocaine Stockpile Fails Basic Audit
Police find 2.7 tonnes hidden on a western Sydney property, proving billion-dollar plans still need decent hiding spots.
Ego Meter Crashes U.S.-Iran Talks in Record Time
Negotiators insisted on ending Lebanon's war as the opening condition while the president threatened and his VP called it progress.
Divorce Finalized, Birthday Love Still on Payroll
Keith Urban's post-split birthday note and Nicole Kidman's Father's Day callback pass the absurdity audit with flying red flags.
Absurdity Audit: Coal Plants Bag Investments While Violating Regulations
Three repeat offenders keep cash flowing despite racking up environmental citations like parking tickets