Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
655 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Polymarket Wallets Turn Transparency Into Insider Trading Evidence
Prediction markets on geopolitics now come with public receipts that make suspicious trades impossible to ignore.
Culturistas Awards Audit Flags TV Return After Hit Debut
A successful parody show returns to television, proving culture needs another round of self-congratulation.
Knicks Owner Frames Sex Ban as Team Optimization
Jordyn Woods calls out the corporate euphemism while Karl-Anthony Towns stays engaged in December drama
Judge Decodes Life Sentences Into Corporate Gibberish
Three life terms running consecutively gets spun as meaningful punishment when the math already screamed 'never leaving.'
Starmer Spins Burnham's Makerfield Win Into Leadership Dead End
Labour's big plan: win the by-election, then pretend the leadership challenge never existed by pivoting to Manchester.
Audit Slams US Blockade as Iranian Tankers Cruise Past
Three loaded crude carriers treat the military line like optional signage while ship-tracking data keeps receipts.
Dangerous AI Models Audit: Hacking Capabilities Inevitable
Formal review finds advanced models will become the norm regardless of any safety pushback
Warsh Fed Debut Audit Finds Markets Stuck in Neutral
Traders refrained from action ahead of the decision, as if hesitation itself could validate the outcome.
Stanford Grads Pocket $11M for Hormone-Tracking Wearable You'll Pay to Use
Noninvasive my ass — meet the latest gadget that costs $369 upfront plus a fat subscription just to maybe tell you what your body already knows.
Ukraine's Logistics Lockdown Leaves Crimea Pump-Dry
Targeted attacks on Russian supply routes create gasoline shortages that turn Crimea’s invasion logistics into an expensive math problem.
Porsche Cranks Ego Meter to Fake Shift
MY27 Taycan throws in native NACS, bigger battery standard, and simulated e-shifts like that's peak engineering.
FIFA Ego Meter Spikes as Anyone Could Hijack the Stream
A researcher poked FIFA's internal platforms and found the keys to every World Cup broadcast sitting in the open.
Kalshi's Never-Expiring Derivatives Print $5.5 Billion Fast
The prediction-market platform is rushing to expand perpetual futures beyond crypto after a two-week volume explosion that screams casino, not innovation.
Absurdity Audit: Iran Bombing Permanently Altered Global Economy
Official findings confirm economies are unlikely to reset after the U.S. and Israel turned the region into permanent chaos.
Ego Meter: Hollywood's Puppet Delusion Hits Critical Mass
Bob Baker's historic marionette troupe gets crowned zeitgeist savior while the actual industry burns.
SpaceX Trading Debut Sends Ego Meter Into Orbit
Newly listed rocket maker vaults past Amazon and others in a masterclass of self-delusion.
Audit: Canadian Directors File AI Protections Manifesto
Guild declares efficiency is not creativity, demands safeguards before the machines rewrite the credits
Absurdity Audit: US 'Defended' Dark Ships in Hormuz
The document claims regular threats got handled, but the details read like a receipt for nothing.