Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
655 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Nothing Cites RAMageddon to Delay Next CMF Phone
Co-founder Evangelidis blames prices for skipping this year, proving budget phones can pivot faster than excuses evolve.
Hathaway Timed Fertility Struggles for the Third Pregnancy Drop
Painful past details resurfaced right before the Instagram bump confirmation – coincidence or calculated arc completion?
Hue Audits Your Dumb Lights With Wired Wall Modules
New ecosystem addition forces non-smart switches into the fold while claiming it's progress
Lawmakers Float Downsizing Post-Attack Intelligence Role
The Director of National Intelligence is back in the crosshairs, with efficiency as the new euphemism for rolling back a fix born from coordination failures.
Absurdity Audit: Post-Facelift Staycations Hit Luxury Peak
High-end hotels roll out dedicated facilities so clients can heal in secrecy while pretending nothing happened.
Power Rankings Audit Flags One-Game World Cup Favorites
Experts revisit the list after 48 teams played and somehow still call it science.
Hormuz Audit: Stranded Vessels Face Fresh Escape Uncertainty
Shipping companies bet on a quick exit after the deal, only for violence to turn the strait turbulent again.
Hathaway Turns Bump Reveal Into Lyric-Themed PR Theater
Captioned with floating x's and 'Baby, I’m yours' because a normal pregnancy announcement apparently needs branding now.
Vitol's Zambia Pipeline Lock: IMF Says Cut the Exclusive Cord
Emergency arrangement handed one company the fuel tap until September while international watchdogs demand authorities rip it out.
Valve's Steam Controller Reservations Now Come With 2027 Estimates
The good news is you might get your controller before the next console generation; the bad news is that's not actually good news.
Google's Android Verification Timeline: An Absurdity Audit
A new system service rolls out this month, with bigger changes starting in September, because nothing says trust like official confirmation of supported app stores.
Culpo's Chocolate Luggage Is a Travel Essential Now
Cashmere, candles and a shared fragrance turn packing hacks into a Samsonite sales pitch.
YC Demo Day: Ego Meter Hits Record Delusion
TechCrunch rounds up the standout startups whose investors say commanded $175M+ valuations in the hottest batch yet.
FIFA Banks $10.9B While Host Cities Get Zero
The audit shows FIFA's staggering tournament haul leaves hosts with bills and no sponsorships in sight.
Iran-US 'Understanding' Audit Flags Nuclear Shell Game
The world watches for a lasting agreement while the same old understanding buys time and zero accountability.
Education Dept Slashes Student Interest Rates by 1% — Enjoy It for Two Years
High defaults force a temporary crumb while the department pretends this fixes the debt trap it helped build.
Apple's Brazil App Store Lockdown Finally Cracks
Absurdity audit exposes how distribution control and competition only loosen when regulators force the issue.
Black Rain Falls After Drones Hit Moscow's Biggest Refinery
Residents complain while officials rebrand soot as 'atmospheric adjustment' from the ukrainian strike south-east of the capital.